Is It Wrong for Victims to Be Angry at Their Abusers?

Kirk E. Miller

In To Heal or Harm: Scripture’s Use as Poison or Medicine for Abuse Survivors, Steven R. Tracy asks the question, “Is it acceptable for abuse victims to be angry?”

He observes, “Countless times, I have seen abuse survivors condemned by church leaders for being angry at their abusers or those who failed to protect them from their abusers.” They are indicted “for their ‘victim posturing’ and … ‘sinful anger and bitterness.'”

“Many argue that virtually all anger over what others have done to us is sinful.” As one author contends, “Ninety-nine percent of my anger is sinful; I don’t want to give tacit permission to my frustration by calling it righteous indignation. … If I am angry because of what someone did to me, I am always wrong.” Yet, while recognizing that we should be on guard against the potential dangers of anger—for instance, “Jesus condemned anger in Matthew 5:22;” likewise we are told to “refrain from anger (Ps 37:8), put it away (Col 3:8), and not make friends with someone given to anger (Prov 22:24)”—Tracy nonetheless poses the question, “Is it always sinful to be angry at injustices we suffer?” (emphasis mine). He answers,

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Marriage Is Not about You (Colossians 1:15–20)

Kirk E. Miller

The following was a wedding homily, which I’ve adapted here for written and public format.

Believe it or not, your wedding day is not about you.

Now, of course, in one sense today is about you. Friends and family have traveled from near and far to witness and celebrate your marriage.

But at a deeper level, your wedding—your marriage—is not ultimately about you. Rather, marriage exists for Christ. So too, the marriage you are about to enter into exists for Christ. It exists to display the preeminence of Christ.

Christ’s preeminence (Colossians 1:15–20)

Colossians 1:15–20 has two main parts. First, in vv.15–17, Paul extols Christ’s preeminence over creation. Then in verses 18–20, he praises Christ’s preeminence over redemption, or we might say, the new creation—and specifically the church.

This is so that, as Paul says in v.18, Christ might have preeminence in everything. By preeminence, Paul means that Christ holds first place, supreme rank, absolute priority. Or as some translations say, “that in everything he might have the supremacy” (NIV) or “that he might come to have first place in everything” (NRSVue, CSB, NASB, cf. NET, NLT). In other words, Christ is not one important figure among many; he is the singular, ultimate reality toward which all of creation moves.

Let’s briefly survey what Paul says.

Over creation (Col 1:15–17)

Christ “is the image of the invisible God” (v.15). Christ perfectly reveals what God is like. What God is, Christ is. The fullness of deity dwells in him (v.19). The invisible God has made himself visible in Christ.

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