Marriage is Vanity

The following was a wedding homily, which I’ve adapted here for written and public format.


“Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun.” – Ecclesiastes 9:9

Marriage is vanity.

What do I mean by this?

The Message of Ecclesiastes

The book of Ecclesiastes describes everything in life as vanity. The book’s “preacher” sets out on an exploration to determine what is good for humans to pursue with the short lives we’ve been given (2:3). And after his exhaustive search, he concludes that it’s all vanity. “Vanity of vanities,” says the preacher. “All is vanity” (1:2).

In other words, nothing of ultimate value is to be gained in these things (2:11). He pursues wealth. But it’s not guaranteed; it can be lost. Moreover, it can’t ultimately satisfy anyways (5:10-17). He pursues pleasure. But the need for more never ends (2:1-11). He pursues knowledge and wisdom. But the fate of the wise is the same as the fool (2:12-17). He considers government. Maybe politics is the solution. But what he finds is bureaucracy, corruption, and oppression (Ecc 5:8). Maybe religiosity is the solution. But it leaves him exhausted (7:16). He dives into his work. But in the end, no matter what is gained in this life, it will come to an end when this life does, and amount to absolutely nothing (2:18-23).

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Marriage as Death

The following was a wedding homily, which I’ve adapted here for written and public format.


“Marriage is…(fill in the blank?)” I wonder how we would finish that sentence, using just one word. “Marriage is (what?).” If we had the time, it’d be interesting to survey a range of people and hear all the different ways folks would answer that question.

Maybe some would say, especially at a wedding, “Marriage is… beautiful.” Or maybe others would say, “Marriage is a gift.”

And both of those are true. But what if I told you that we could also finish that sentence this way, “Marriage is death”?

Now if marriage is something of a death, I suppose that means a wedding is in fact a funeral. And if you’re the ones getting married, that means on your wedding day you’re actually attending your own funerals!

That’s what I would like us to consider: marriage as a death.

1. Leaving & Cleaving

First, marriage involves the death of two independent lives, as husband and wife come together to form “one flesh.”

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Wedding Elements and Wording

The following are standard elements and language for use in officiating weddings. I’ve compiled the following from a variety of traditional protestant Wedding services. Feel free to take or adapt any of the following for your own use.


Giving of the Bride

Officiant: “Who gives this woman to be married to this man?”

Father: “Her mother and I.”

Call to Worship

Our Lord Jesus said: “From the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh” (Mark 10:6-8).

Let us worship God as we now witness the marriage of (Groom) and (Bride – full names). May God be glorified this day in the lives of this couple and in the years to come.

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