A Review of What is Marriage? Man and Woman: A Defense

The following are notes from a presentation delivered in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the course ME 8000 Contemporary Sexualities: Theological and Missiological Perspectives taught by Dr. Robert Priest and Dr. Stephen Roy at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School, October 2015.


Summary

Introduction

  • Authored by Sherif Girgis, Ryan Anderson, and Robert George.
  • Published in December 2012, about two and a half years before the Obergefell decision (June 2015).
  • Based on an article published in the Harvard Journal of Law and Public Policy.[1]
  • Considered by many to be the most formidable defense of the conjugal view of marriage and has been highly read and engaged.[2]
  • Seeks to defend the conjugal view of marriage and demonstrate its rational and therefore constitutional basis.[3] The authors argue that “redefining civil marriage is unnecessary, unreasonable, and contrary to the common good.”[4]
  • They seek to do so without appeal to religious authority[5] or historical precedent (i.e., “It’s always been this way”),[6] and only secondarily by the support from the social sciences.[7] Their argument is mainly philosophical in nature.[8]

Framework

The underlying assumption that drives the entire project is the following: To argue that gay and lesbian couples ought to have equal access to marriage assumes a priori that same-sex couples can actually constitute a marriage. But this begs the question—the question that serves as the title to this book—what is marriage? A couple is not restricted from access to marriage if that couple cannot—by definition—constitute a marriage. We cannot simply argue that everyone ought to have equal access to marriage. We first need to make a case for what that marriage is to which we think everyone, i.e., everyone who can actually constitute it, ought to have equal access. As they state very succinctly, the issue at stake here is “not about whom to let marry, but about what marriage is” (emphasis added).[9]

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Our Wedding Vows

Framed and hanging on a wall in our apartment are the wedding vows of my wife and I. I put the piece together (a four-frame piece, two slots being filled with pictures and the other two with our vows) as a Christmas present for my wife our first Christmas together, a little over a month after we were married (11.19.11). Seeing that today is our one-year wedding anniversary, I thought it would be appropriate and encouraging to share our wedding vows in a post.

As you will see, we decided to write our own vows (in a sense) by combining a modified set of traditional vows with Paul’s instructions in Ephesians 5:22-33. In Ephesians 5:22-33 Paul sets forth the beautiful, distinct, functional roles of the husband and wife in marriage, which, contrary to much contemporary thought, are nothing short of a blessing when lived out properly. Although neither of us is perfect and neither of us perfectly fulfills God’s intention perfectly in this regard (hence “Although I will often fail you…”), our prayer is to strive towards this model year after year.

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Love is Not Selfish

When you first read the words, “Love is not selfish” you may have immediately thought of 1 Corinthians 13, frequently called “the love chapter.” However, these words actually never appear there. Yet, I still believe this statement is very true. Even from Paul’s words one can see this principle: “Love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant” (v.4) and “It does not insist on its own way” (v.5). Let us take a brief look at what I believe is a vital characteristic of true love.

Our culture has taken the word love and distorted it completely. I’m not taking just about the fact that it has made love synonymous with physical romance, but the fact that it has subtly made love into something selfish. What do I mean by this? Love has come to mean “strongly appreciating someone for loving you as much as you do.” We only “love” those who please us. We only “love” the actions and attributes of another that benefit us. We “love” them because we like being loved.
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