On Spiritual Abuse (with Michael Kruger)

Kirk E. Miller

What is spiritual abuse, and how should we respond to it in our churches? In this episode of Logos Live, I talk with Mike Kruger, author of Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church.

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4 key insights from the conversation

1. Spiritual abuse often won’t be obvious to onlookers

[S]piritual abuse isn’t always obvious. It doesn’t appear with twirling mustaches and overt villainy. … Sin is universal, and as Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn famously said, ‘The line separating good and evil passes … right through every human heart—and through all human hearts.’ A problem with assuming spiritual abuse will always appear obvious is that we blind ourselves to its many less-than-obvious occurrences. As Jesus himself said, wolves won’t appear as wolves, but as those dressed in sheep’s clothing (Matt 7:15). And often our own self-interest and confirmation bias make it difficult to acknowledge that a beloved leader would act so harmfully.

2. Abusers often manipulate by appealing to sound principles

Good principles can be weaponized: calls for unity can stifle dissent; appeals to authority can be used to demand trust rather than earn it; submission can be coerced instead of cultivated. The result is a spiritually oppressive environment, often masked by theological correctness, appeals to trust leadership, and a sense of legitimacy.

3. Spiritual abuse is deeply damaging

[Consider] the deep damage spiritual abuse can cause, taking things that are so vital and good (e.g., Scripture, one’s relationship with God, the church) and twisting them into a source of agonizing pain and confusion. Symptoms can include the following: physical symptoms (e.g., PTSD-like stress), emotional and relational trauma, social ostracization from their church, [and] doubts about God, faith, and the church.

4. We must prioritize people over reputations and institutions

Many victims never come forward—and those who do often regret it. Time and again, … the ecclesiastical process (e.g., investigations) proved more traumatizing than the abuse itself. Victims are often disbelieved, maligned, attacked, or pressured to remain silent. Churches often protect their leaders or institutions rather than those abused for the sake of “carrying on with the mission.” [Churches must] put people above institutions (see Isa 1:12–17). Protecting the church’s reputation cannot come at the expense of the wounded.

Ambrose on How True Friendship Endures Adversity

Kirk E. Miller

Though Ambrose wrote these words over 1,600 years ago, I could be mistaken for thinking they were written directly to me today. They still ring true: (1) true friendship is both an immeasurably valuable thing to experience if one can manage to possess it, and (2) its genuineness is revealed only through perseverance in adversity. All else melts away like dross, exposing its true character.

Do not desert a friend in time of need, nor forsake him nor fail him, for friendship is the support of life. Let us then bear our burdens as the Apostle has taught: for he spoke to those whom the charity of the same one body had embraced together. If friends in prosperity help friends, why do they not also in times of adversity offer their support? Let us aid by giving counsel, let us offer our best endeavours, let us sympathize with them with all our heart.

If necessary, let us endure for a friend even hardship. Often enmity has to be borne for the sake of a friend’s innocence; oftentimes revilings, if one defends and answers for a friend who is found fault with and accused. Do not be afraid of such displeasure, for the voice of the just says: “Though evil come upon me, I will endure it for a friend’s sake.” In adversity, too, a friend is proved, for in prosperity all seem to be friends. But as in adversity patience and endurance are needed, so in prosperity strong influence is wanted to check and confute the arrogance of a friend who becomes overbearing.

How nobly Job when he was in adversity said: “Pity me, my friends, pity me.” That is not a cry as it were of misery, but rather one of blame. For when he was unjustly reproached by his friends, he answered: “Pity me, my friends,” that is, ye ought to show pity, but instead ye assail and overwhelm a man with whose sufferings ye ought to show sympathy for friendship’s sake.

Preserve, then, my sons, that friendship ye have begun with your brethren, for nothing in the world is more beautiful than that. It is indeed a comfort in this life to have one to whom thou canst open thy heart, with whom thou canst share confidences, and to whom thou canst entrust the secrets of thy heart. It is a comfort to have a trusty man by thy side, who will rejoice with thee in prosperity, sympathize in troubles, encourage in persecution.1

  1. Ambrose of Milan, “On the Duties of the Clergy,” in St. Ambrose: Select Works and Letters, ed. Philip Schaff and Henry Wace, trans. H. de Romestin, E. de Romestin, and H. T. F. Duckworth, vol. 10, A Select Library of the Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of the Christian Church, Second Series (New York: Christian Literature Company, 1896), 88. ↩︎