Marriage is Vanity

The following was a wedding homily, which I’ve adapted here for written and public format.


“Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun.” – Ecclesiastes 9:9

Marriage is vanity.

What do I mean by this?

The Message of Ecclesiastes

The book of Ecclesiastes describes everything in life as vanity. The book’s “preacher” sets out on an exploration to determine what is good for humans to pursue with the short lives we’ve been given (2:3). And after his exhaustive search, he concludes that it’s all vanity. “Vanity of vanities,” says the preacher. “All is vanity” (1:2).

In other words, nothing of ultimate value is to be gained in these things (2:11). He pursues wealth. But it’s not guaranteed; it can be lost. Moreover, it can’t ultimately satisfy anyways (5:10-17). He pursues pleasure. But the need for more never ends (2:1-11). He pursues knowledge and wisdom. But the fate of the wise is the same as the fool (2:12-17). He considers government. Maybe politics is the solution. But what he finds is bureaucracy, corruption, and oppression (Ecc 5:8). Maybe religiosity is the solution. But it leaves him exhausted (7:16). He dives into his work. But in the end, no matter what is gained in this life, it will come to an end when this life does, and amount to absolutely nothing (2:18-23).

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A New Generation of Evangelicals (Russell Moore)

The following is an excerpt from chapter 1, “A Bible Belt No More,” in Russell Moore’s OnWard: Engaging the Culture Without Losing the Gospel.

It’s not just the cultural landscape that has changed. American Christianity is changing too, though not in the ways that some in the wider culture hope and some in the older generation fear. Many recognize that younger generations of evangelical Christians, especially pastors and other leaders, seem different from their culture warrior predecessors. Because of this, many assume that this wing of the church is headed Left, especially on the contentious questions of sexual morality, which are at the root of the most contested issues of abortion, marriage/family, and even, increasingly, religious liberty and church/state relations. The standard trope I hear often from secular journalists is that the historic Christian commitment to sexual morality, in which sexual relations are limited to the marriage of a man to a woman, is a stumbling block to growth. We are losing our young, this narrative holds, and we would reclaim them if only we would soften our views on sex. If we would, the pews would be filled and the baptisteries bubbling as our leftward Christian soldiers return home.

Now, it’s true that newer generations of American evangelicals are interested in more than just the culture war issues of the past. Many are actively engaged on issues of orphan care, ecological stewardship, human trafficking, racial justice, prison reform, poverty, as well as abortion, marriage, and so on. This is not repudiation but an outgrowth of very conservative cultural impulses. Those working to alleviate poverty are, first of all, in continuity with every generation of conservative Christians who have done the same thing. Even when they deviate from the talking points of the Republican business class, they are hardly repudiating their moral and gospel roots. They focus on systemic problems but also on marriage stability, family accountability, and personal responsibility. And they are as committed as ever to the sanctity of human life and to marriage as a one-flesh union between a man and a woman.

Indeed, often the “broader” agenda items reinforce the social conservatism of the next generation of conservative Christians. Those working with the urban poor and the rural underclass see firsthand the devastation of family breakdown, no-fault divorce, the drug culture, predatory gambling, and so on. Moreover, the broader vision hardly makes orthodox Christianity any more palatable to the culture. When evangelicals adopt children, the secularist Left accuses them of “stealing” children for evangelism. And, if they didn’t adopt, the same voices would accuse them of caring for “fetuses” without providing homes for “unwanted” children after they’re born. Regardless of how broad the concern, and regardless of where this concern sometimes overlaps with that of progressives, the question usually comes around to, “Yes, but what about sex?”

That said, the older generations are mistaken if they assume the next generation will be more of the same, just with even more prayer for “revival” and “Great Awakening” in the land. The typical younger pastor is less partisan than his predecessor, less likely to speak from the pulpit about “mobilizing” voters and “reclaiming Judeo-Christian values” through political action and economic boycotts. This is not because he is evolving leftward. It is because he wants to keep Christianity Christian. As a matter of fact, the center of evangelical Christianity today is, theologically speaking, well to the right of the old Religious Right. It’s true that the typical younger pastor of a growing urban or suburban church doesn’t look like his cuff-linked or golf-shirted forefather. But that doesn’t mean he’s a liberal. He might have tattoos, yes, but they aren’t of Che Guevara. They’re of Hebrew passages from Deuteronomy.

His congregation’s statement of faith isn’t the generic sloganeering of the last generations’ doctrinally oozy consumerist evangelical movements, but is likely a lengthy manifesto with points and subpoints and footnotes rooted in one of the great theological traditions of the historic church. This pastor might preach forty-five minutes to an hour, sometimes calling out backsliding Christians from the pulpit with all the force of hellfire-and-brimstone revivalists of yesteryear. He is pro-life and pro-marriage, although he is likely to speak of issues like homosexuality in theological and pastoral terms rather than in rhetoric warning of “the gay agenda.”

Unlike the typical Bible Belt congregation of the twentieth century, the new kind of evangelical church has strict membership requirements, both in terms of what it takes to enter the believing community and what it takes to say there. There aren’t likely to be four-year-olds baptized after repeating sinner’s prayers in a backyard Bible club, and the unrepentant often face what their parents never seemed to notice in their red-and-black-lettered Bibles: excommunication. If this is liberalism, let’s have more of it.

… But they are often unsure of how to think of political engagement. Again, this is not due to liberalism but to theological conservatism. They have seen social gospels of the Left and the Right try to package a transcendent message for decidedly this-worldly, and sometimes downright cynical, purposes of pulling the levers of political power.

I feel seen… 👀

Changing Unwanted Thoughts (with Esther Smith)

Are you burdened by anxious thoughts? Does your mind race uncontrollably? Are you prone to ruminate? Maybe you are wearied with thoughts of hopelessness, self-deprecation, unpleasant mental images, or a range other unwanted thoughts. At some point or another, all of us experience some form of mental anguish or distress. In this episode, Esther Smith, seasoned counselor and author of A Still and Quiet Mind: Twelve Strategies for Changing Unwanted Thoughts, provides us a multi-faceted, Biblically-integrated approach for dealing with the battles in our minds.

Access the episode here. (Available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, and more.)

The Unexpected Ranking of Christ’s Kingdom (Mark 10:17-31)

The Unexpected Ranking of Christ’s Kingdom (Mark 10:17-31)
CrossWay Community Church
August 20th, 2023

Podcast link.

See all other content in this series.

The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness by Timothy Keller (Book Recommendation)

Our culture elevates self-esteem and self-worth. But this results in anxiety and insecurity as it leaves us needing constant validation. Instead, Tim Keller points us to 1 Corinthians 4 to propose that true peace is actually found by shifting the focus away from ourselves, freeing us from the tyranny of self-concern. By understanding and embracing the gospel message, we are released from obsessing over our own successes, failures, and what others, or even what we ourselves, think of us.