The following was a wedding homily, which I’ve adapted here for written and public format.

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“Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun.” – Ecclesiastes 9:9

Marriage is vanity.

What do I mean by this?

The Message of Ecclesiastes

The book of Ecclesiastes describes everything in life as vanity. The book’s “preacher” sets out on an exploration to determine what is good for humans to pursue with the short lives we’ve been given (2:3). And after his exhaustive search, he concludes that it’s all vanity. “Vanity of vanities,” says the preacher. “All is vanity” (1:2).

In other words, nothing of ultimate value is to be gained in these things (2:11). He pursues wealth. But it’s not guaranteed; it can be lost. Moreover, it can’t ultimately satisfy anyways (5:10-17). He pursues pleasure. But the need for more never ends (2:1-11). He pursues knowledge and wisdom. But the fate of the wise is the same as the fool (2:12-17). He considers government. Maybe politics is the solution. But what he finds is bureaucracy, corruption, and oppression (Ecc 5:8). Maybe religiosity is the solution. But it leaves him exhausted (7:16). He dives into his work. But in the end, no matter what is gained in this life, it will come to an end when this life does, and amount to absolutely nothing (2:18-23).

The word “vanity” is the same word for “wind” or “vapor.” It describes things that are fleeting–here today and gone tomorrow; things of no actual substance; things of no value, worthless. The preacher describes his pursuit like one chasing the wind (2:11). It’s to chase that which cannot be attained. It’s like trying to grab hold of the wind: it slips right through your fingers.

To be clear, when the preacher describes things as vanity, he’s not necessarily meaning there’s no value whatsoever in these things. When he pursued pleasure, he indeed found it (2:10). It’s not as if wisdom is worthless. As he says, “there’s more gain in wisdom than in folly” (2:13). Nor is it that we should abandon our work. In fact, he concludes, “There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God….” (2:24).

The key difference, though, is this: If we make such things ultimate–if we pursue them as ends in and of themselves; if we look to them for fulfillment, as our source of hope and happiness, security or significance (New City Catechism, Q17); if they capture our sense of the “good” around which we orient our lives (2:3)–they will ultimately leave us not only disappointed, but even devastated.

God gives us these things as gifts, meant for our enjoyment (2:24-26; 5:18-19). But when we look to them as the source of joy itself, we treat the gift as the Giver. We look to it to provide what it is not capable of giving us. And, in so doing, instead of receiving these things as what they are (gifts), we spoil them by trying to look to them to be what they were never created to do.

In contrast, when we keep God in his rightful place, we are actually able to enjoy his gifts, holding them in our hands with a loose grip. We’re not chasing the wind; but we’ll certainly enjoy the breeze when in comes our way.

Applied to Marriage

What does any of this have to do with marriage?

The preacher says, “All is vanity” (1:2). I take that “all” to include marriage. (I know: a happy thought on your wedding day. 😊) But, in other words, marriage too will prove to be “vanity” if you look to it as something it was not created to be; if you look to it to supply you something it is not capable of providing you.

And there’s a great danger in doing this. If we look to marriage as our source of joy, if we hinge our contentment on the quality of our marriage–I can promise you: you will be disappointed, even devastated.

I know this is hard to imagine right now on a beautiful day like today, as you stare dreamily into each others’ eyes, all done up looking your best. But today, the two of you are marrying a fellow sinner who is in desperate need of God’s grace. Yes, you will love each other, and by God’s grace, care for each other. But you will also undoubtedly sin against the other and even hurt each other. And so, if you look to the other–if you look to this marriage–as your source of joy, if you hitch your contentment on whatever expectations you have for your marriage, in the end, it will prove to be “vanity,” a wearisome striving after wind.

In fact, a sure way to wreak havoc on a marriage is to make your happiness depend on your spouse, to effectively treat them as your personal messiah. It’s to assign them a job for which they are severely under qualified. You’ll end up bitter, as they inevitably fail to meet your demands. And they’ll end up crushed under the weight of a burden they aren’t capable of carrying.

Christ alone can provide us the contentment we are looking for. He became a human to suffer in our place, taking the punishment for sin that we deserve, that those those who trust in him are declared righteous before God. That reality alone can provide us an unshakable joy amidst the chaos–the otherwise “vanity”–of this life.

And when Christ returns, we have the firm confidence that he will once and for all do away with evil, revoking the sentence of “vanity” that currently hangs over creation (Rom 8:18-25).

But until then, we enjoy his momentary gifts–like marriage–for what they are: pleasures from his providence.

Let me close with the words of a poem from John Piper which we read during premarital counseling:

The greatest gift you give your wife
Is loving God above her life.
And thus I bid you now to bless:
Go love her more by loving less.